Satire | Humor from the life of an engineer
Engineers are people who always try to find a practical solution for any problem. They have unique knowledge and skills that enable them to create devices that simplify our lives.
However, in addition to their professional qualities, engineers are also known for their sense of humor. In this article, I have collected some funny humorous stories and jokes from the life of engineers that I hope will make you smile.
Do you want to die laughing, laugh until your stomach hurts?
Then drop by our metkogo Engineering humor club!
Jokes are short, but sharp,
They go straight to the heart, feel our power!
If you think that jokes are empty words,
Then I will prove to you that not only a thoughtful story is brilliant.
Funny cartoons and memes, a few lines — and here’s the result:
You laugh until you cry — that’s how good humor is!
Representatives of different professions perform at the award for humanism and kindness “For the Benefit of the World” : engineer, programmer, and salesperson.
The engineer says:
If we built a perfect machine, it would work flawlessly and always be in order.
The programmer objects:
But even if we created such a machine, we would still have problems with the software.
The seller adds:
But even if we had the perfect machine with perfect software, we still wouldn’t be able to sell it.
A tired engineer after work took his little son out of the garden, go home.
My son asks:
Dad, why is the sky blue?
The engineer responds:
Son, I can tell you about how the solar panel works, how energy transformation occurs, but why the sky is blue-blue radiation has a shorter wavelength is a mystery that even engineers cannot explain! It works, and God help it.
The path of an engineer is not easy, but it is very interesting. Walking in the park, suddenly it starts to rain, The son looks at the engineer’s father:
- Dad, what is this fashion-to go with a leaky umbrella for the second year?
“Oh, this is my latest masterpiece! Thanks to the holes in the umbrella, I immediately know when the heavens decided to take a break in the rain. Only now I’m afraid that the Chinese and Americans are already producing and selling it!
— And if I were you, I would open an American-Chinese company and come up with something new for everyone, so that they can no longer compete with you!
No constructed product can immediately become perfect. Engineer Pyotr Yevgenyevich returned home after a hard day at work, the launch of the Glonass-K satellite from Plesetsk was postponed for a month, the fuel supply unit needed to be finalized, and he was despondent, but his beloved and wise wife Vera Pavlovna was so effective that she shared with him her bad mood: “You didn’t even notice this kind of That I dyed my hair, what underwear I put on! The neighbor has already invented three children, and you are still messing around with the satellite and who you were born into so incomprehensible… “(So that he does not have time to be sad, because Love makes discoveries.)
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Our safety engineer at the power and mechanical plant, Herbert Viktorovich, often repeats during the briefing:
Don’t stick your fingers anywhere, comrades. There aren’t as many of them as you might think… And if you lose even one, you will look unbalanced.
What was the group of specialists gathered to solve the problem of harvesting vegetables and fruits on a collective farm during the Soviet era?
Mathematician — to calculate the number of vegetables and fruits, physicist — to determine the best method of harvesting, biologist — to study the characteristics of plants, engineer — to develop the necessary equipment, doctor — to treat those who are injured, architect — to build storage warehouses, economist — to determine prices, lawyer — to ensure the legality of the process, philosopher — to ask the main question: “Why is all this being done?”
Necessity is the mother of all inventions. At the Siberian pencil Factory, problems with the quality of pencils began, they turned out to be crooked and uneven. The management decided to invite an expert in the production of pencils from Japan.
He arrived, went around all the shops, studied the production technology and said: “The problem is with your equipment, replace it with Japanese equipment.” The management agreed and bought new, Japanese equipment. But the next day, the pencils were still crooked and uneven.
The management was desperate and decided to invite an expert from Germany. He arrived, studied the production technology and went around all the shops, after which he said: “The problem is with your workers, replace them with German ones.” The management agreed and brought in new, German workers. But the next day, the pencils were still crooked and uneven.
The management was desperate and decided to invite an expert from Russia. He arrived, studied the production technology and went around all the shops, after which he said: “The problem is in your production technology, replace it with manual labor.” The management was surprised, but agreed and returned the production of pencils to manual labor.
And now, a few days later, perfectly smooth and beautiful pencils began to appear on the conveyor belt. The management was delighted, and they decided to award an expert from Russia.
They asked him: “How did you know that the problem was in the production technology?” To which the expert replied: “Yes, I just thought that if you can’t make normal pencils with new Japanese equipment or with the help of German workers, you can probably make them by hand.”
Conduct a survival experiment. They put an engineer, a programmer, and a mathematician in locked rooms. In front of each closed chest on a combination lock with food. They open the engineer’s room in a couple of weeks. The chest is open, the engineer is full, satisfied with life.
He says: “I assembled a radio receiver from the parts of the chest and listened to music while I ate.”
The chest is open, the programmer is full, satisfied. He says: “I wrote a program that picked up the password and opened the chest.”
They go to the mathematician. The chest is closed, the floor, the walls, everything is covered with formulas. On the floor sits an angry, thin man and says: “So, let’s try to go from the opposite. Suppose the chest is open…”
There are no former engineers. A retired engineer who worked in an aircraft factory in the village of Zadryupino invented a car that runs on alcohol and water.
But the neighbors were surprised when they found out that he walks instead of driving his car with a turbo-Spirtevro.
- Vasilyevich, why do you go on foot all the time, and not on your own car?”
- Well, but I’m always in a cheerful and bright mood!
There is something strange about the invention… Skolkovo has created a traffic cop’s baton with a built-in bill acceptor. Now traffic policemen can not only stop cars, but also immediately receive payment for violations of traffic rules. Now the engineers have decided to add the electric shock function to the rod for those who try to evade payment.
Once an optimist, a pessimist, and an engineer drank together from the same glass. The optimist said: “Look, the glass is half full!” The pessimist objected: “No, the glass is half empty!” And the engineer looked up and said, “ Hey, you guys don’t understand something. The glass is twice as big as you need, and you need to recycle it and release two more to make it more efficient!”
Ad: The company requires a man under 45 years of age, with a mechanical engineer education and experience working on CNC machines. But if you don’t match your gender, age or education, don’t worry, we will still consider your application! After all, we’d already hired a female accountant who couldn’t count, but was an excellent lunch-break cook.
Two interns working in the design department of the Moskvich plant:
“Hey, what do you think I should call this detail?”
- Well, call it “Hub”.
- It won’t work, this is the coupling housing assembly will be.
“Well, then, call it ‘Corps’.”
- Somehow not humanly obtained..
- Well, then call it “Kostya”!
The meeting is at the very top.
Gentlemen, we must increase our creative productivity in the next half-year for our native country. This year, our inventions on the LADA car were as rare as unicorns in the taiga.
And where did our brilliant minds go? Maybe they forgot that they work for your company? In general, it’s time to light up and start creating something really amazing!
The chief engineer of AVTOVAZ was not at a loss, tired of criticism, put forward a rational proposal:
And let’s produce cars in the form of a constructor.
Like, since you are such smart and talented fellow drivers, collect and color them yourself!
- Tell me, dear Zinaida Vasilyevna, where can I buy flour pipes with a diameter of 5.6–7.0 mm and a wall thickness of no more than 1.5 mm?
- Listen, engineer, well, I can’t stand Gavrila Yuryevich, when you get so drunk and start showing off!
- I’m sorry, Zinochka, tell me where to find a pack of macaroni in your store.
The director of the machine-building plant calls a new deputy and asks::
How did you manage to move up so quickly in a year from an ordinary design engineer to my deputy?
To which the deputy responds:
Well, I’d say it’s my father-in-law’s doing.
We have such a funny tradition at the plant: if the chief engineer shouts, it means that something is wrong with the production of boilers. Once we asked him: “What are you collecting today?” And he said: “Well, what I shout, then collected!”
Once, foreign delegates came to the USSR and met with the directors of the factories — a Russian and a Japanese. The Japanese man says: “We make machines,” and the Russian replies: “So are we.” The Japanese continues: “I have 15 workshops”, and the Russian answers: “I also have 15.” The Japanese says, “I have three thousand workers employed,” and the Russian replies: “I also have three thousand.” The Japanese guy says,”We have 6 engineers working for us.” Russian thinks: “If I say that we have 200 engineers, it will be embarrassing. I’d rather say that we have 7 engineers.”
The next day they met again, and the Japanese man’s eyes were red. “I stayed up all night,” he says, “ wondering what your 7th engineer was doing.
Once a group of engineers from Great Britain came to the factory — they were taken around the workshops and buildings for a long time. Engineers carefully examined and photographed everything.
One of the engineers asked a local employee: “We have seen the museum exhibits, but where is the plant itself? Are you seriously still using this old technique?”
To which he replied: “Yes, we believe that if it worked during the Cold War, it will certainly cope with modern challenges!”
The design bureau hired a new lead engineer. The receptionist asked him:
- What tools do you need for your work?
- Gotovalnya, pencils, reisfeder, kuhlman and whatman.
“All right, we’ll hire three more Jews and order you some office supplies.
According to the myth, an engineer accidentally went to Hell. After some time there, he installed a ventilation system, set up electricity generation from geothermal sources of the subsurface, designed a high-tech metal pool in Compass 3D on the underground level, finished it with a meteorite stone with shavings from dinosaur bones, conducted the Internet, installed Yandex’s smart home also installed a Dolby Atmos home theater system on each floor. God noticed the colossal changes in the mansion, and realized that there was a misunderstanding that the engineer was not supposed to go to Hell and asked the Devil to send him back to Heaven. But the Devil refused, saying that the engineer is very useful, and he has many plans for engineering projects. God decided to file a lawsuit, but the Devil asked with a grin where God would find good lawyers for this case.
Voice of America asks Armenian Radio:
Is it possible to buy a decent car in the Soviet Union on an engineer’s salary?
Armenian Radio was silent for three days, and on the fourth day it answered:
Yes, of course, it’s very simple. You just need to buy a horse and wait for it to turn into a car.
The artist says: “I see it that way.”
The actor says: “I feel that way.”
The writer says: “I understand that.”
And the engineer says: “I did it, and it works.”
As we can see, humor in the life of an engineer is an integral part of the profession. Engineers, despite their seriousness, find time to make jokes and have fun. Their ability to find creative solutions to problems and unconventional approach to problems is what makes their humor special. They are not afraid to laugh at themselves and their mistakes, and this helps them maintain balance and relate to life with sound humor. As a result, engineering humor is not only funny jokes, but also a reflection of their creative thinking and ability to find solutions where others see problems.
If you liked this humorous article, please share it with your friends and like it. #humor #engineer #caricature #jokes #jokes #memes
While our spaceships roam the vastness of the universe… engineers remain on earth and continue to find pleasure in creating and repairing machines and devices. I’m sure that even in this Mundane setting, their humor and creativity know no bounds. This is evident in their wit and the hilarious stories they love to tell each other.
In the end, fellow Engineers, a good mood and creativity are what makes our necessary and difficult profession more interesting and inspiring for posterity.
“Dedication to engineering traditions. Reliability of solutions. Loyalty for years to come.”
Engineers are the real heroes of humor! They are always serious, but their love of technology and desire to make the world a better place make us smile. So don’t hesitate to use engineering humor in any company — it’s guaranteed to lift your spirits and make everyone laugh to tears!
He’s an engineer, he’s an inventor,
His head is a maze and a fog.
He is a poet, he is a dreamer,
and his works are a real novel!
This guy with a computer on “you”,
And he knows how to work in CAD.
In the hours of random oblivion, suddenly the mind will make a noise,
Then thoughts will wander wherever you want.
But then the idea catches up with him,
He is like a fish on a hook, it will not let go.
One more step, and she is already in captivity,
And soon the project will be ready to the end!
His jokes are sometimes strange, as if from another universe,
And his inventions sometimes seem crazy,
But he continues to work like a hero of our time,
Because he wants to be original and unique — and this is great!
If you found this article funny and funny, I encourage you to share your funny stories and anecdotes about engineers in the comments below!
I believe that each of us has something funny that happened at work or in life, related to our engineering feats. For those who are interested in engineering and want to learn more, I recommend reading the article “A few ideas for the weekend, engineer’s vacation”.
Let’s share your stories, anecdotes, and cartoons on engineering topics and make this article even more interesting!
